Trust Issues

Have you ever been so close to someone that you know that they would never hurt you? Ever? I've been that way faithfully with so many people, but it turns out that when you grow up together, there is more competition and more reasons to want to rise above to other person. I had a bestfriend since the 8th grade that I told everything, and she told me everything and we helped each other out with a lot of sill, childish stuff. Now that we're older, we are each others problems. I blame her and her new boyfriend on why our friendship has been destroyed and she blames me changing and not re-thinking my choices. The choices I make are nothing compared to the choices of your everyday Rochester druggie on the street, yet she always picks out on me. The difference between me and her that separate us so much is that I'm outgoing and rambunctious and she's self-centered and to herself. I'll be kissing every guy at the table in a wild game of "Spin the Bottle" while she'll be sitting alone on the couch wishing she could leave. I'm not a whore, I am being a teenager and having fun with myself. I'm not tied down by some rude guy who wants me all to himself. I'm carefree and living life with no strings attached and it's only given me fun and no regrets. I did say in this video that I realize that I have made many regrets and that there will be a video on that tomorrow, but I don't have regrets over beings myself, I have regrets for doing things because I was able to and that I thought that it would make me happy but it didn't. This is not that blog though.

Literally everyday I find myself discovering the truth about lies being told to me and deception from who knows when it first started out. We grow up and get new friends to blackmail our old friends from the past just because they aren't our friends anymore. Sometimes it's on purpose for revenge and person hatred, sometimes it's by mistake and we don't realize what we have done until, well, the damage has already been done. After awhile of all this back and forth shit, you end up hating life for a good, solid period of time. Everyone is just fighting all the time and you have no real friends to talk to about stuff or hang out with; especially when you need it the most. I can only wish now that I could have a damn time machine to go back in time to change myself and find those first signs of trouble in my friendships. At least try to snap myself out of being whoever I was that made people drift away so fast. Was it me, or was it just the situation? It shouldn't matter now, it was that past, right? I'll just leaving you all hanging on that thought. I leave myself on that thought every night.